Surviving the summer festival season takes a bit more than a ton of money and a hollow leg.
Here are some tips for keeping your lollapalooza from going lollakaput.
Going solo? Introduce yourself to your fellow campers.
This is not only polite, but your neighbours might defend the girl-next-door’s tent from shifty-eyed would-be rummagers. And tipsy campers tend to think twice about hitting on someone they’ve formally, cheerfully, soberly met.
Get a festival buddy.
Don’t have one? Attach yourself to a like-minded group and make one. Like in scuba diving, this pal can drag you back to the shallow end if things get too deep.
Establish a meeting point and time and stick to it.
At least once a day, gather at an agreed-on meeting spot. The meeting point should be a place where the group can hang out comfortably whilst waiting for the one who’s always late. (There’s always one who’s always late)
Ideally this place should be equidistant from the drinks station and the toilets. (While we’re dreaming, also a phone charging station with plenty of outlets)
Keeping Days 2 and 3 in mind, not too close to the toilets!
Don’t drink the Kool-Aid!
No matter how wonderful people seem, be wary of magic beans and unlabelled hooch: it’s not worth playing pharmaceutical roulette.
Even with goodies from home, go easy. Festing is a music-and-fun marathon, not a sprint to the nearest emergency room.
BYOCup with screw-top lid.
Festivals across the world are now banning single-use plastics. This includes plastic straws, drinks trays and cups. Yay! Glitter, too. Boo?
With a tight-fitting lid, you control what refreshment beverage – adult or otherwise- goes into your cup.
Read the map. All of it.
Yeah, sure, you can find the bar at an outdoor festival in 30 seconds flat, but where are the toilets? The safety tent?
Prepare for rain.
‘Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines.’ Clearly Shakespeare didn’t go to a UK festival. Be prepared for the certainty that the firmaments will shift to the aquatic.
If you think it’s an emergency, it’s an emergency.
Feeling overwhelmed? Overheated? Overdosed? That’s what the safety tent is for, the location of which you know because you looked at the map ahead of time. Trained people will take care of you, won’t judge, and won’t tell your mother. It takes real courage, determination, imagination, and stupidity to shock the safety tent attendants. Please don’t try to shock the safety attendants.
Sex? Be prepared!
Bring protection. BYOCondoms, lube, dams. It may seem like a fabulous weekend on another planet, but you still have to go back to Earth, where pregnancy and STDs are real. Feel free to ignore this advice if you enjoy spending the weekend with a UTI.
Groped? DON’T get over it.
You’ve got this fabulous device that can record that asshole, whoever he or she may be. If you can absolutely spot that person, turn that person in to the relevant authorities.
Festivals may be permissive about freedom of expression, but they’re hard on sex crimes. The person who hurt you may have hurt other people. Festivals have strict policies regarding inappropriate behaviour, but there’s no pervert detector: report it.
